$421.69 raised of $150,000 goal
Recent Donors
"Been there! Remember when I 'accidentally' locked everyone out of Twitter's admin panel? Here's some pocket change - I'd offer you a job at X, but we both know that's not a great career move right now 🤷♂️"
2 hours ago
"How dare you! Last time you touched code you deleted the Fridays For Future website. Here's some money for your therapy sessions - at least while unemployed you're reducing your carbon footprint! 🌍✨"
1 hour ago
David
Soon to be Unemployed
Dear Internet Strangers,
I've achieved something truly spectacular: I managed to make our entire legal database vanish into thin air. Yes, you read that right. The ENTIRE. LEGAL. DATABASE. Gone. Poof! 💨
How did this happen, you ask? Well, picture this: After successfully avoiding my responsibilities for days (procrastination isn't just my hobby, it's my lifestyle), I finally decided to face my overdue work at the most reasonable time possible - midnight. You know, when all the best coding decisions are made.
But when I tried to run the code, surprise! The backend was having an existential crisis. After hours of debugging, coffee-fueled panic, and questioning every life decision that led me to this moment, I made a shocking discovery: our entire legal database had mysteriously vanished. Not just temporarily offline. Not just corrupted. GONE. Like my future employment prospects. 🫠
The best part? I still have no idea how or when it happened. I'm just the lucky one who discovered it. You know, just your average Tuesday night career suicide. At least I can add "Database Hide and Seek Champion" to my resume. 🏆
Meeting with my boss (probably my last) 💀
Client demo with non-functional software 🔥
Living under a bridge 🌉
How The Funds Will Be Used
- $100,000
Legal defense fund (in case this somehow becomes a criminal matter) 👨⚖️
- $40,000
Hiring a data recovery expert (who will probably just tell me it's gone) 💾
- $9,000
A really nice cardboard box under the bridge 📦
- $1,000
Premium LinkedIn subscription to spam "Open to Work" 💼